The Ritual Master Feminism and religion… Welcome to a landmine subject !
But since the point of this series is to talk about lessons learned from books, I was bound to touch on some delicate subjects at one point or another.
I should however state right from the start that this is a video about a personal experience, I do not believe it to be a universal truth, and I am in no way handing out verdicts.
My meeting with Sue Monk Kidd’s writing has been fortuitous, to say the least. Freshly landed in Paris, I was living in the most beautiful campus you could imagine, called Cité Internationale Universitaire. A place where students from all over the world, mostly Masters and PhDs, find a home and a community in a peaceful dorm residence spread over 85 acres of greenery. I was a resident in the Cambodian House, in close vicinity to the house of Lebanon, the German residence or the Argentinian one, a real life Tower of Babel. Now the thing about foreign students is that they often pack quite a lot of books in their bags, but find themselves wanting to replace them with French delicacies when going back home. So this little used bookshop, right outside of campus, would buy their books, thus freeing their suitcases for the foie gras and macarons.
Needless to say, that little bookshop was my happy place. I would find books in English, Spanish or Italian, things I never would have found in regular bookshops, and for as little as 1€. This is where, one cloudy Parisian afternoon, I found a book that sounded intriguing : Traveling with Pomegranates, by Sue Monk Kidd and Ann Kidd Taylor. I only wish I knew the story of the student who left it behind… their choice ended up changing many things in my life.
So now that I was hooked on Sue Monk Kidd’s writing, I started collecting her other novels. The universal success that was The Secret Life of Bees needs no introduction, I did two videos on it last year. Then The Invention of Wings, The Mermaid Chair… and then, I got to read her essay The dance of the dissident daughter.
I cannot say it was love at first page. But, the subject was of interest for me, so luckily I kept going. And what I learned along the way helped me better understand not only things about myself, but also better understand other people’s behavior with a touch more empathy than before.
The dance of the dissident daughter is a personal and touching testimony of Sue Monk Kidd’s journey from traditional Christianity to an experience of the Sacred Feminine. A writer for Christian publications, and wife of a Southern Baptist minister is not what you would expect when you hear of Spiritual quest. And yet, Sue was feeling less and less at ease in a community that did not address the status and role of Women in today’s religious practice. She speaks openly of mystical dreams and existential worries, of religious retreats and journeys in search of meaning.
“This is a hard question. But as women we have a right to ask the hard questions. The only way I have ever understood, broken free, emerged, healed, forgiven, flourished, and grown powerful is by asking the hardest questions and then living into the answers through opening up to my own terror and transmuting it into creativity. I have gotten nowhere by retreating into hand-me-down sureties or resisting the tensions that truth ignited.”
Sue Monk Kidd, The Dance of the Dissident Daughter
She even touches on how this personal quest affected her couple and her family. With wisdom and determination, she has reflected on ways to include her partner in her journey, and that is, in my opinion, one of the strongest proofs of love and commitment.
“Men’s resistance often grows out of their fear–fear that everything is going to change, that women’s gain is their loss, that women will ‘turn the tables on them.’ Men need to become aware, but blaming them doesn’t help. It only polarizes. Eventually I came to see that what’s needed is to invite them into our struggle, to make them part of our quest.”
Sue Monk Kidd, The Dance of the Dissident Daughter
I loved this book because it was the first feminist manifesto I had read that did not prompt rebellion in its violent form, both physical and mental. Before this, I had mostly known the French feminism movement around Simone de Beauvoir, and I must admit that while recognizing its value and historical importance, the writing always left me feeling depressed, oppressed and weak. To a point where I had no energy to act, just lick my wounds that I had been made painfully aware of. The dance of the dissident daughter has the same balancing energy I feel I need when trying to thrive as a woman in our society. Addressing the issue doesn’t mean going to war, it just means I am conscious of the current state of things, and that I act from a place of truth and freedom, not fear and resignation. So this was one of the lessons for me…
The other aspect of the book, the one speaking of spirituality and its politics a.k.a. religion, wasn’t exactly a lesson for me, in the sense it might have been for other readers. I did not need to get inspired in freeing my spiritual life, since I was never really a church-goer in the classical sense. I did grow up in a culture very much branded by Christianity, but not in a restrictive family. I did study religion in school, challenged my teacher quite a lot with tricky questions, and had meaningful conversations at home about our own and other religions. I ended up with an understanding of the symbols and with time I built my own spirituality, being conscious I am a spiritual being and not having to have a spiritual practice.
But there is one lesson I did learn from Sue Monk Kidd’s journey, and that is to have more empathy towards everyone’s state of mind when it comes to spirituality. I honestly think that I would have judged her for being an active member of a religious organisation, as if she was unable to think for herself or act differently than the pre-programmed social conduct. And it turns out I would have been deeply mistaken, she did not only ask the hard questions, but once she found the answers inside her soul, she returned to the practice with a new mindset. The community had very harsh reactions to her book, she was accused of being a false believer and many of her ideas were misinterpreted. But in her soul, she felt at home in a Christian environment, with her new found Sacred Feminine force, she didn’t want to deny everything, burn bridges and do irreparable damage. And this was a lesson for me. We each find our peace in an environment as unique as our personalities. There is no One Size Fits All, and as long as we do not harm anyone or try to force our truth, we should have the right to live our spirituality as we see fit. Who am I to judge someone for how they choose to live their best life ?
“You create a path of your own by looking within yourself and listening to your soul, cultivating your own ways of experiencing the sacred and then practicing it. Practicing until you make it a song that sings you.”
Sue Monk Kidd, The Dance of the Dissident Daughter
For those of you wondering about the images, I filmed this in the Saint-Roch Church in Paris, called the artists parish. A lesser known Parisian church, and a rare baroque decor amongst so many gothic masterpieces.
Until next time, enjoy your reading, and your rituals !
