The Ritual Master To forget how to dig the earth and to tend the soil is to forget ourselves.
Mahatma Gandhi
I’ve hesitated a long time before doing this video… and then I thought “I cannot be the only one going through this, others might feel the exact same way”. So I decided to document a learning process, to hold myself accountable if nothing else…
I have been living in big city landscapes for 16 years now. Before that, I lived a small town life, and for part of it I was in contact with nature, that I regarded as unpleasant chores in my family’s garden. Being in the sun, getting soil under my nails, insects everywhere, I couldn’t find one single thing pleasant about the whole ordeal. My parents tried, but eventually they let me be, consoling themselves probably with the idea that I was not running around doing God knows what, I was just reading.
And then, all of a sudden, I was free to explore the one thing that fascinated me the most : big city life. Losing myself in old town streets bursting with history, going to the theater, opera and the philharmonic, museums, libraries and book shops, it was everything I had imagined and more. For the first part, I was studying, and my part time jobs were almost amusing. But then, real life struck. And with it, a full time job, with some sort of responsibility, a team to fit into and work with, less and less free time, and a sensation, discreet at first, but getting stronger and stronger, that life was supposed to be better than this. Sounds familiar, right ?
But the one thing I hadn’t expected, was that after all this time, my instinct would take a path I had rejected a long time ago : I wanted to grow something.
For years I’ve been reading gardening magazines, I follow several talented YouTubers that focus on gardening, but I also watch football and tennis without playing, so I never took it as a sign it might me more than that.
I don’t have a garden at my disposal, but I do have a rather comfortable balcony, that I almost abandoned after I quit smoking since there was no reason to go out there anymore… So I chose a few plants, gathered soil and pots and what not, and decided to go for it.
How naïve of me…
You see, my urge to garden came with the natural feeling of “I can do this”, because working with soil and plants and water is frankly one of the most basic occupations we have had as humans, for millennials. But my overactive mind had plenty of time to construct this very plausible story about me being a plant killer ever since I lost that one house plant 10 years ago, that story that I can’t be trusted to remember watering plants, or not watering too much, or looking at them in that famously bad way that makes them instantly die. So all the enthusiasm I felt, disappeared the moment I had to start potting my plants. I had several meltdowns in the space of 3 or 4 hours, I hope my neighbours didn’t understand the hardcore cursing that was going on, and if they did : I sincerely apologize ! And in the end, I felt drained, I wanted to cry, I was mad at myself for even imagining this was a good idea. The works.
Spent the rest of the day on Netflix, and the next morning, shifted my perspective.
If I had become too cerebral to let go of my artificial worries and just enjoy this experience, then maybe my solution would come from a book. So I grabbed two of them (better safe than sorry) and started my healing journey.
I began with Sue Stuart-Smith and her bestselling book The Well Gardened Mind : rediscovering nature in the modern world. Sue is a psychiatrist, psychotherapist and author, so there’s no surprise in how she constructed the book. Combining neuroscience, psychoanalysis and storytelling, she investigates the many aspects of modern life that have become estranged from nature, and brings to the reader’s attention programs and communities that have actively worked towards reconnecting us to our planet. Page after page I found myself recognizing so many of the manifestations that have become common in urban environments. I learned for instance that our brain is constructed in such a manner that it can almost ignore plants around us, but acknowledge animals much easily since their movements have more amplitude and their communication resembles our own in many ways. That is one of the reasons pets are more common in the city than flowery window sills or balconies. And then I got to that point where you cannot believe the state you’re in, when reading this :
Common sense suggests that fresh air, daylight, exercise and access to green, quiet places are going to be good for people’s health in cities. We have, though, reached such a point of remove from these elements that we need scientific evidence to demonstrate their effects on us.
Sue Stuart-Smith, The well gardened mind
This is me. And up until 6 months ago, I didn’t even know how far I had come. The first good thing is that it was my instinct that got me here today, I felt I had to connect to nature and took some steps in that direction. The second good thing is that this book, The Well Gardened Mind, not only made me feel less alone, it gave me hope, that it will all come naturally, even if little by little. I feel that for a mind like mine, that can more easily grasp carefully constructed concepts backed up by facts, than the loving encouragements from my gardener friends, this was a book to reassure my anxieties and start me off on the path of the green thumb.
The second book I read had the lightness I needed after a scientific perspective. The Wild Journal is that perfect bedside table book, that can accompany you throughout the year, and it will always give you a reason to look forward to your next meeting with your plants.
I first saw Willow Crossley on her Instagram page, where she manages to put a smile on my face every time she posts. A journalist converted to floristry, Willow has trained at the Covent Garden Academy of Flowers, but her instinctive love of nature still comes through her designs. Her Journal takes us through her favourite details of each season, with useful tips for organising oneself in order to enjoy our gardens, big or small, with little to no stress. Maybe because I have such a clear image of her speaking in her videos, I felt like every short chapter was whispered in my ear by a kind and experienced friend. Her discreet and elegant personality is a real joy and she somehow managed the miracle of transposing it into her book. Such an inspiration…
Where am I at right now ? Well… my freesia bulbs have started to grow, I have been planning some annuals to challenge myself with seed sprouting… and I have great expectation for some beautiful containers to assemble once the weather is more in tune with my schedule. I love the idea of country life, but I think I’m not yet ready to leave the city behind, so this is the perfect compromise for now. In the past, I’ve found refuge from the overly stimulating modern life in my reading. And now I am building myself another refuge, in my balcony garden. I think the two of them will be very compatible… Oooooh, a reading nook on the East side with some shade loving annuals and a little table for my iced tea.
See… work in progress.
You’ll probably get the chance to see how it’s all coming together in my future videos.
Until then, enjoy your reading, your gardens and your rituals !
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