The Ritual Master Scary stories and creepy costumes are not exactly the first things that come to mind when my friends think of me. I’m more of the cosy, feel good type of person, basket of apples and knitted socks kind of thing. Add that to the fact that I didn’t grow up in the culture of Halloween and you’ll know that autumn means a whole different thing for me.
But if there’s one thing I appreciate about Halloween, it’s the fun it brings to a subject so confiscated by religion and social norms, it becomes one of the most painful experiences we have as humans.
My memories of November 1st
I mentioned that Halloween was not celebrated in my childhood. Instead, November 1st was known as it is in many parts of the world, as the Day of the Dead, the softer version being a visit to the cemetery to light a candle and bring flowers (my poor beloved chrysanthemums being forever labeled as flowers for the dead). But there was never just that, November 1st became a day of reviving the sorrow and darkness that every single death in the family brought into our lives. Parents, grandparents and great grand parents, distant uncles or cousins, neighbours or aquaintances, you would end up touring every single grave and feel obligated to mourn the tragedies, the illnesses or the misfortune. I don’t know if it helped anyone, but it certainly did not bring back the dead.
Exit Laughing
So when I came across this book, the title alone expressed what I wanted to shout out from the rooftops on every single Day of the Dead of my childhood : Exit Laughing, How Humor takes the Sting out of Death.
This collection of essays has managed to express, through the voices of its 24 authors, the essence of our collective experience : for those remaining, death is sad, but since we are not the ones that have gone, life goes on with all its aspects, so why should we ignore humour just because we are in mourning ? The stories are so diverse, anyone could identify with one or more of the authors, so when you find yourself laughing out loud about something suspiciously similar to what you’ve been through, you realise this is a therapeutic read. It’s an exorcism of sorts (boy, for someone who stated they’re not much of a Halloween person, I’m really going for it), but it is, really. The death of a loved one, pet or human, has nothing funny about it, but the state we put ourselves in actually does.
For me, this is a brave idea masterfully put together by Victoria Zackheim. Nobody wants to talk about mortality, we live either as if that’s never going to happen to us, or in a permanent fear that it is closer than we think. So giving ourselves permission to laugh about it, takes death out of the sphere of great powerful fears, back to the natural course of life. This anthology masters the art of joking without being sacrilegious, and is generaly a soft reminder that every single great crisis brough on by death, eventualy fades, as life takes over once again, and smiles find their way back to us.
The Merry Cemetery
With that in mind, I wanted to bring you to a special place this Halloween, in the village of Săpânța, in the very north of Romania. If I tell you this is north of Transylvania, you’ll think we’re talking long teeth and garlic cloves. Instead, I’m bringing you to a cemetery, in broad daylight. Founded in 1935 by a local wood sculptor, this is a place where death and humor make one : The Merry Cemetery. Brightly coloured tombstones, a mix of folk art and naïve painting, but most of all, an epitaph that both resumes the life of the deceased and makes fun of it.
Under this heavy cross
Lies my poor mother-in-law
Three more days should she have lived
I would lie, and she would read (this cross).
You, who here are passing by
Not to wake her up please try
Cause’ if she comes back home
She’ll scold me more.
But I will surely behave
So she’ll not return from grave.
Stay here, my dear mother in-law!
With more than 800 oak crosses, the Merry Cemetery is not a solemn place for remembrance. It’s a reminder that humor is the easiest way to escape life’s hardships, and finding something to laugh about at the end of one’s life, is frankly all we could hope for.
Today, the Merry Cemetery is an open-air museum, more bright and colorful than many of our collective myths about death.
A walk through a cemetery and a book about death, I think this is the most out of my comfort zone video I’ve ever done. I hope you’ve enjoyed it !
Until next time, enjoy your reading and your rituals !
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